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Attachment and areas of development
Attachment is a combination of cognitive, and emotional development. The environment plays a significant role in helping the child follow their instinctive behavior to grow in a balanced environment and plan a balanced life. Some people have trust issues, are anxious all the time, and try to control all situations, attached to a job, house, or husband. Some blindly trust their partners, are extremely relaxed, and find it challenging to analyze situations. Erikson and Freud agreed that if a person fails to achieve balance during any stage, he will struggle throughout his lifetime (Bowlby, 1997).
Humans, throughout life, resolve conflicts (Santrock. W et al., 2021, p. 17). In their first year of life, infants develop security virtue from being exposed to experiences of trust and mistrust. The environment/mother plays a significant role in allowing infants to experience trust and mistrust feelings to be secure. Children learn from pleasure and pain according to Freud and as stated by Bowlby (1997, p.64-76). So every time the child cries out of hunger, the mother should provide food. This means his pain (hunger) is addressed by the mother consistently by providing pleasure (food), which is the balance to achieve security. If the mother ignores the pain, the child finds it hard to learn how to satisfy his needs, ignore his feelings and bury them. Later in life, this child will form a negative self-image and can be unmotivated to plan his goals and unable to understand others’ goals (Bowlby, 1997).
If the mother satisfies the child’s needs without allowing him to feel pain, the child will only be exposed to pleasure. This creates an imbalance to achieve security and hope. Those children were rarely reported according to Hughes (1997, p.64-76). Most of the reported cases are of negative behavior and negative self-image that reflects on the child’s relationships with carer and friends or partner later in life (Hughes, 1997).
According to Bowlby (1977), in the middle of the first year, a child develops a sense of self- conscious emotions such as jealousy, empathy, embarrassment, shyness, guilt, and pride. If the child experiences only pain, he develops negative feelings towards himself. According to Erikson, at 18months, a child is exposed to another conflict to resolve Autonomy vs. shame to form his will (Santrock. W et al., 2021). If the child resolved the trust and mistrust conflict in his first year and feels secure, then he is able to share self-conscious feelings. For Example, if a balanced child breaks a glass he will feel guilty and he will correct his exploration and process the learning experience. The balanced child believes that his mother is always there to help and support him. His exploration is for a purpose. His self-talk is as follows ”this is a glass, glass can break, so I need to hold it with two hands to avoid breaking it and feel guilty.” The child experiences pride in exploring “a glass” and guilt if it breaks; this allows him to correct his behavior thus his will.
If the child didn’t resolve the trust and mistrust conflict in his first year he is insecure, thus he is unable to share self-conscious feelings. For Example, if an imbalanced child breaks a glass he feels guilty and is going to be punished which is attention from adults whom he is trying to avoid. In worrying about the punishment he will be distracted from the exploration. Hence, unable to process the learning experiences as his exploration is going to be random and hidden. His self-talk is as follows ”this is a glass, glass can break, I will be punished, I will try to hold away from my mother. if it breaks I will run away.” The imbalanced child does not experience pride in exploring “a glass” or guilt if it breaks. This experience will not allow him to resolve his autonomy and guilt feeling to correct his goals and will. The imbalanced child starts showing different unacceptable behaviors to express their needs, thoughts, and emotions. When a child is unaware of self, he can not be expected to be aware of others’ needs (Hughes. A,1997).
Therapeutic play facilitates Attachment by building a trustworthy full of affiliation relationship with the child to enable him to recall the memories he decided to bury. To resolve negative accumulated emotions resulting from neglect and or abuse, the therapist needs to meet the child’s anger with hugs to confirm that we accept expressing emotions. Gradually the child will trust the therapist and the new caregiver to share painful feelings instead of expressing them through destructive behaviors. The Child mental health expert needs to teach early childhood education programs and enrich his vocabulary to express his feelings in a better way (Hughes, 1997).
In conclusion, The human life cycle is a lesson for children, affecting the child cognitively and emotionally for life. Children with poor Emotional development in preschool ignore educational materials and teachers. These children would rather spend time in Certified Play Therapy, like outdoors running, skipping, and climbing, rather than having to contend with their unbalanced emotions.
“When we do not use the right language of a feeling, the child will tend to abandoned and replace it temporarily by a language of behavior” Bowlby (1997, p. 123).
Reference:
Bowlby, J. (1997) Attachment and loss. Vol. 1. London: Random house.
Hughes. A (1997) Facilitating Developmental Attachment. US: Roman & littlefield publishers, Inc. Santrock. A et al. (2021) Child development, 15th Edition, US: New York McGraw-Hill education. -
Prayers
Introduction to Prayer
As God introduced us life step by step, and just as ideas were produced to us in a simple way derived from names of things so we can memorize them, and then experience different feelings, similarly, we here need to act carefully when introducing the world to our child. We must introduce him prayer in a lenient way. We must first confirm that prayer is a sport for stretching the muscles and lungs, and a source of energy, discipline and commitment. This implies that you stop doing whatever you do and go to prayer to focus your mind, soul and body, it also reminds us of the highest goal of man, which is guidance, which was mentioned in Surat Al-Fatihah. Following the straight path achieves balance, and in return, God’s promise to us that we will be among those upon whom Thou hast bestowed favors, not of those upon whom Thy wrath is brought down, nor of those who go astray, will be realized. We need to teach our child all of that, but progressively. The application of the aforementioned idea is summarized in the following stages
From birth until age of 4
We will introduce the child with the call to prayer, through applications for the call to prayer and knowing prayer times, for example. Once you hear the call to prayer, turn to the child and then tell him (call to prayer) and perform ablution, and do not force the child to listen or be silent. The aim is to draw his attention to understand that hearing this sound means that we should get up to perform ablution and pray. Then, we say (God is greatest, Hasten to the prayer), go to the bathroom and put the child in his chair in front of the bathroom, and perform ablution. After that we take him near the prayer rug. You can also place a rug in front of your child.
Do not be in a haste when starting the prayer movements. Calmly stretch your muscles and expand your lungs (by reading the Qur’an) and enjoy the refreshing of energy when prostrating. You can watch videos of prayer movements and the correct stretching of the muscles.
When the child begins to walk and move outside the chair, and begins to imitate you, he will surprise you with his commitment, as children at this age have the ability to store information and movements accurately compared to children after the age of 7
After finishing the prayer, hug your child and pray for him to have beautiful days, a happy life, good health, delicious food, a strong heart and a sound mind that loves knowledge. You can use one of the recorded meditations available on the Internet.
You can also take a nap after noon prayer to form part of the daily routine for you and your child. As for after the evening prayer, you can further repeat the supplication and embrace the child beside the bed or in the bed.
Don’t forget to keep a smile on your face, you are at your best during these moments and achieving your best achievement as a female and a mother. Whatever your job and whatever goal you’re working to accomplish, there’s spacious time to get it done, but your priority is to raise a child who is tender,
intelligent, pious, and kind to his parents, not tyrannical and disobedient child. Remember that your ultimate goal is to serve society and the world. Even if you have to delay your project for a year or more, don’t worry. Set your priorities
Years between 3-4
At this age, it is possible for the child to listen to contemplations that lay the foundation for submission and focus on oneself (mind, body, and spirit), and help behave humbly and modestly before creatures, and thus before the Creator. We continue to pray and alert the child to the call to prayer, and begin ablution and prayer. Then we choose contemplations to read for the child while we hug him tenderly.
From 4 to 7 years of age
If you persist with the previous routine, you will be a proud mother when it comes to the results. I ask those who have completed the steps of introducing prayers to children from birth to the age of 4 years to share their experiences so that all mothers can benefit from this.
At this stage we will provide more details about ablution, prayer and the Qur’an.
We will explain to the child the concept of ((and we made from water every living thing)), and show him how plants and living things live on water.
We will also explain to him how ablution removes germs and viruses from our bodies, and so we must wash. Inhalation is very important for cleaning the nose, and a picture can be shown to the child for making him familiar with the location of the sinuses and the areas where dirt collects.
Saving the consumption of earth’s energies: If a child listens to meditation, the seed of love and preservation of the earth will grow in him.
And here we say to him: (Think about preserving water when consuming it, as it may disappear one day). Let him see the water tank and how it runs out of water and how it should be preserved. Use the same method of washing clothes, for example (wear a special robe for cleaning or planting so that your clothes do not get dirty, and you won’t have to waste water on washing them). I still remember that day when my son did not follow these instructions, so I cut off the water from the house for a whole day, and here he felt this blessing and began to think about saving water.
If you are out on a trip, tell your child: How do we clean ourselves? Yes, sand! We will rub our hands with sand because it works like a loofah and cleans our bodies
Learning about the Qur’an:
When you bring pieces of furniture to assemble, involve your child in the assembly process and say: Ok, I need the manual to link the pieces together. Follow the steps of the user manual and then tell him: Imagine if there was no manual, we would have wasted a lot of effort and time, and it could have been damaged. Then I show him the refrigerator manual which explains how to use it, and I repeat the sentence: Imagine if there was no manual we would have wasted a lot of effort and time and it could have been damaged. Repeat such phrase when trying to assemble any appliance or piece of furniture you purchase. Then tell your child: (We also have a user manual so that we do not get exhausted of thinking and do not waste time or waste our lives. Shall I introduce it to you?) Then say to him: ( let’s perform ablution. We must be clean before we catch it because it came down from heaven). After completing the ablution, bring the Qur’an and kneel in front of your child and say to him: This is my manual book and I am sharing it with you. When you understand how to maintain it, you will have one of your own. Present the Qur’an to him with both hands, then read the first verses revealed to the Prophet Muhammad from Surat Al-Alaq: “Proclaim! (or read!) in the name of thy Lord and Cherisher, Who created-(1) Created man, out of a (mere) clot of congealed blood(2)” Tell your child that God created us like a furniture assembly guide and a refrigerator user manual. Ask him to close his eyes so you can read to him if he desires so. Read to your child slowly and beautifully. The child needs to memorize some verses to perform the prayer. You can recite them after completing the prayer together, and help him memorize them. The best surahs are Al-Ikhlas, Al-Nas, and Al-Fatihah. You can play the Abrahamic prayer track that you can find in the contemplations file so that the child can hear and memorize it.
Prayer: We follow the same manner when hearing the call to prayer. We alert the child for the call to prayer, and go to perform ablution and then start the prayer aloud so that the child learns what to say in each prayer movement. After completing the prayer, we hug the child and recite verses from Surat Maryam: “To his son came the command): “O Yahya! take hold of the Book with might”: and We gave him Wisdom even as a youth(12)And piety (for all creatures) as from Us, and purity: He was devout(13) And kind to his parents, and he was not overbearing or rebellious(14)So Peace on him the day he was born, the day that he dies, and the day that he will be raised up to life (again)(15)
“He said: “I am indeed a servant of Allah: He hath given me revelation and made me a prophet(30)And He hath made me blessed wheresoever I be, and hath enjoined on me Prayer and Charity as long as I live(31)(He) hath made me kind to my mother, and not overbearing or miserable(32)
Then we ask the child: Why did God give us the book (Quran) and ordered us to read and pray? We read the book to learn the names of many things and to grow our mind. We pray and stretch our muscles, so our body grows. We read the Qur’an and our souls are purified.
There are many passages in the contemplations section that help to understand how the body, mind, and spirit grow.
Explain to the child how the muscles are stretched, and help him to apply the movements and focus on the muscles that should be stretched in each movement. For example, when we raise our hands to say Allahu Akbar, the shoulder and back muscles should work, and when we kneel, the muscles behind the thighs and lower back should function. The video explains all the movements comprehensively.
Note: If the child does not want to join you, continue performing ablution and prayer with passion, and no matter how much he tries to interrupt you, tell him: (I heard the call for prayer, and I will not stop until I pray. I apologize, I cannot join you now). Please don’t mention hell or demons, we give love and then learn how to maintain a relationship. Fear enhances aversion to prayer and makes the child stray from prayer and the love of God. This is a sin and a great mistake we may commit against our children, as it is sufficient to make the child move away from the Creator.
Note: If you are sad or angry, tell your child: “I am sad, and I need to pray or listen to the Qur’an. This helps me calm down a lot.”
I wish success to everybody. Always remember that every change starts with you, and only you. You are the one who will change the world, you have the power to decide and you are raising the future generation.
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Facilitating Developmental Attachment Hughes
Book review
“Facilitating Developmental Attachment” by Hughes. AThe book shares facts, patterns, and cases of how to facilitate Attachment through play therapy. The book starts by defining different patterns of healthy and weak attachment to how parents, therapists, and children play a role in facilitating the attachment. Play therapy is an intense, directive, and empathic approach.
Attachment can either be healthy or weak, distinguished from the patterns that the child displays in the presence or absence of the attached figure. All the child development aspects (physical, emotional, behavioral, cognitive, social, and neurological) are affected by the quality of this relationship. The attachment develops from birth up to 4years of age. Attachments develop through six stages. The concrete attachment, Homeostasis, is from 0-3months, refers to sensory experiences (relax/Alert). The second stage is the personal attachment from 0-7months, which refers to a child’s joyful and personal experiences with his mother. The third stage is Somatopsychological Differentiation from 3 to 10months when the child focuses, initiates, and responds purposefully to one figure. The fourth stage is behavioral organization from 9 to 18 months when the child shows a wide range of feelings and behaviors in an organized manner and can separate within acceptable limits. The fifth stage is the representational capacity from 18 to 30 months; when the child gains symbolic attachments, his language develops to express his wishes, emotions, and intentions to his mother. In the final stage, representational Differentiation from 24 to 48 months, symbols gained previously are used to separate self from non-self when the child can realize that others have their own set goals. The author suggests that this relationship should be full of attunement and vitality and allow the child to experience separation and shame to integrate the autonomous self with good and evil (Hughes,1997).
If the attachment is weak, the child faces challenges in three areas of development. In cognitive development, the child faces a delay in language as a result of a few reciprocal experiences. In addition to failure to understand cause and effect. In emotional development, the child develops anxiety, a limited range of expressions, poor frustration tolerance, passiveness, and repetition. In interpersonal development, the child manifests manipulation, aggression, lack of discrimination, poor coordination, demanding, clinging, ambivalence, and withdrawal. Caregivers fail to provide a secure attachment due to many reasons. Lack of social experiences, disregard for the needed proximity by the mother, delay in regulating child’s emotions, less touching, talking, and playing with the child. In addition, caregivers fail when they interpret crying as deviant behavior and resort to punishment or bribes to discipline their child’s behavior instead of consequences (Hughes,1997).
The therapist needs to be direct with the child, aware of the severity of forming attachment and the age and duration of neglect or abuse. The therapists’ main objective is to encourage the child to go through these stages of attachment with his new caregiver. The best approach Hughes suggested is directive and empathic to avoid the child’s intentions to manipulate the therapist. The process should be done persistently, patiently, and playfully to move the child out of terror, rage, and despair. The child needs to feel safe to express his feelings with the therapist and the new caregiver. The therapist needs to embrace the child’s feelings and resistance actions, for example, if the child closes his eyes therapist whispers in his ears. The sessions focus on the emotional richness that the child did not form earlier, through structuring, challenging, intruding, and nurturing experiences. The therapist needs to recognize the sequence of attachment the child didn’t form, in order for the child to develop a healthy sequence of shame and reunion and not interpretive shame as rejection and humiliation (Hughes,1997).
The therapists differentiate and integrate the process to apply in the three different setups (past, present, and future); only then the child is able to understand and adapt to display different behaviors. For example, allow the child to express his anger and meet it with empathy; he will feel accepted and build trust and learn that discipline is toward the behavior, not his thoughts, and feelings. These interventions need to be intensive to all the reactions of forming new attachment, which consists of cognitive, emotional, physical, and behavioral experiences (Hughes,1997).
A therapist needs to be aware of many factors that can measure the severity of weak attachment, like duration of abuse, alternative caregivers, and if the trauma occurred during primary or practicing stages of attachment. These factors can support the therapist and the fostering parents to facilitate attachment faster through a directive, and empathic sequence through four areas; First, past, present, and future. Second, cognitive. Third, self-other duality. Last, is problem-solving skills. The therapeutic interventions vary from verbal directives, touching, psychodrama, confrontations, education, and paradoxical interventions. Therapists may need to ask the child to shout out loud “I am feeling mad” or sometimes copy the child. The aim is to keep the child engaged and minimize his resistance (Hughes,1997).
Parents’ intervention plays a crucial role in forming attachment; they must provide the child with a great deal of empathy while being firm and accepting his behaviors. Sometimes it is required to allow the child to regress. Though it takes longer time and effort from the parents and therapist but helps the child to catch up with attachments patterns according to (Hughes,1997).
In conclusion, maladaptive behavior can result from a weak attachment and treatment following Hughes’s instructions and experiences. Therapists using Hughes’s instructions and experiences supported many children to feel secure and balanced, reflecting on the child’s autonomy and behavior. Discipline through consequences is powerful tool parents can apply to avoid power conflict and harm to the attachment relationship (Hughes,1997).
Reference:
Hughes. A (1997) Facilitating Developmental Attachment. US: Roman & littlefield publishers, Inc. -
I will become a Mother
God introduces life to human gradually and steadily, and in order to grasp lessons from God’s concepts, we will introduce basic concepts of prayer adopting the same way. This is a very significant lesson for us that teaches us how to deal with our children with the same love and passion filling the universe.
This introduction targets mothers to help them understand how could Qur’an pave the way for recognizing maternity concepts and goals step by step, and with most love and care.
During Pregnancy:
The first pregnancy is a new experience for women. Some mothers might have a previous background on the matter, and others have absolutely no idea about it. However, there is no doubt that no woman is completely and perfectly prepared for the first baby. So, I suggest that mothers read Surat Maryam during pregnancy, as it has an influence in making women ready for welcoming maternity feelings and the experience they will go through, as well as strengthening her faith of God and His ability to create. Dates is already shown to ease labor, and the beautifully worded supplication of Yahya-peace be upon him, in the Quranic verse “So Peace on him the day he was born, the day that he dies, and the day that he will be raised up to life (again)”(15), and of Jesus-peace be upon him- in the Quranic verse: “So Peace on him the day he was born, the day that he dies, and the day that he will be raised up to life (again)”(33) relieves the mother.
Reciting the said Surah helps you to set up your goals for the coming baby: “To his son came the command): “O Yahya! take hold of the Book with might”: and We gave him Wisdom even as a youth (12) And piety (for all creatures) as from Us, and purity: He was devout (13) And kind to his parents, and he was not overbearing or rebellious (14)”
The baby does not need purification in order to feel safe, as your time, effort, and care purifies him, and by that he becomes pious and kind to his mother, and won’t become overbearing or disobedient. You should also inflict on the meaning of Quranic verses: “And He hath made me blessed wheresoever I be, and hath enjoined on me Prayer and Charity as long as I live (31) (He) hath made me kind to my mother, and not overbearing or miserable(32)”, and the verse: “But does not man call to mind that We created him before out of nothing?(67). It would also help if you read words of God the Almighty: “He said: “So (it will be) thy Lord saith, ‘that is easy for Me: I did indeed create thee before, when thou hadst been nothing!'(9)”.
You should contemplate these verses, as nothing more than my belief in these verses and how God is aware of the mother’s fear has reassured me, and God revealed these verses in order to comfort the mother.
Listening to the Qur’an also brings a feeling of calm and serenity. Studies have shown that listening to the Qur’an releases endorphins (the hormone of happiness), which stimulate the alpha waves of the mind and are responsible for measuring and removing feeling of stress, and creating a sense of comfort and tranquility. Most of these studies are based on wearing headphones and listening to Qur’an while working, exercising, or doing any other activity, or even just sitting. To find out more information on this topic, you can Google the following address:
“Quran healing listening program”
If the pregnancy is unwanted, then you can put your headphones while working at home or outside, and listen to these verses, as well as to Surat Al-Baqarah to help you adapt your mind and accept the gift that God Almighty gave you, for He knows what we do not know, and because your child will feel the same feelings of distress you have due to such unwanted pregnancy. I’ve had this experience before and it was a very difficult one, since I did not enjoy any moment of pregnancy nor did I enjoyed meeting with my child. I deviated so much from the path of my life and work, and I felt that everything would change and life would stop. Everyone, but me, was happy. How I wish someone had shared her experience with me, or advised me to sit by myself, and think about those moments, or listen to these verses from the Holy Qur’an. Given that I was overwhelmed by negativity, my child was unfortunately neither happy nor comfortable. The question that irritated me was: What am I going to teach this child? I needed first to feel comfortable with myself so that I could give him love and care.
Don’t hesitate to ask for help whenever you feel in a need to express your feelings to someone. You can participate in educational workshops. There is a caring person inside every woman, but life’s concerns make us forget who we are, what our goal is and how to achieve it.
The workshops will help you pick up a lot about what to expect and direct you toward the right path to take with your family. Only through it your road map will be drafted, and you will only need to steer the wheel and live your adventure with all its beautiful moments and memories with your loved ones. Life is not simply phases that we have to go through, but rather is the precious moments we live and the decisions we make in our journey from one phase to the next. This is where happiness and success lie.
Stimulate the mother spirit inside you and remove the dust from it, as such mother spirit inside you has a tremendous ability to give what you never imagined you had before. I never expected that one day I would be a mother in this way, that I would raise, enjoy, and accomplish in this way. Make effort to draw your map so you have a happy journey and enjoy your accomplishments, and you will be impressed by your ability and determination to succeed. All you need is the keys to success and the map that you will follow, then you will be a happy and satisfied mother. Additionally, you will learn the skills needed for returning to work after maternity leave, such as skills of commitment, ability to handle stress, analysis, problem solving and other key skills required to fulfill the working mother’s role.
Introduction to Prayer:
As God introduced us life step by step, and just as ideas were produced to us in a simple way derived from names of things so we can memorize them, and then experience different feelings, similarly, we here need to act carefully when introducing the world to our child. We must introduce him prayer in a lenient way. We must first confirm that prayer is a sport for stretching the muscles and lungs, and a source of energy, discipline and commitment. This implies that you stop doing whatever you do and go to prayer to focus your mind, soul and body, it also reminds us of the highest goal of man, which is guidance, which was mentioned in Surat Al-Fatihah. Following the straight path achieves balance, and in return, God’s promise to us that we will be among those upon whom Thou hast bestowed favors, not of those upon whom Thy wrath is brought down, nor of those who go astray, will be realized. We need to teach our child all of that, but progressively. The application of the aforementioned idea is summarized in the following stages
From birth until age of 4
We will introduce the child with the call to prayer, through applications for the call to prayer and knowing prayer times, for example. Once you hear the call to prayer, turn to the child and then tell him (call to prayer) and perform ablution, and do not force the child to listen or be silent. The aim is to draw his attention to understand that hearing this sound means that we should get up to perform ablution and pray. Then, we say (God is greatest, Hasten to the prayer), go to the bathroom and put the child in his chair in front of the bathroom, and perform ablution. After that we take him near the prayer rug. You can also place a rug in front of your child.
Do not be in a haste when starting the prayer movements. Calmly stretch your muscles and expand your lungs (by reading the Qur’an) and enjoy the refreshing of energy when prostrating. You can watch videos of prayer movements and the correct stretching of the muscles.
When the child begins to walk and move outside the chair, and begins to imitate you, he will surprise you with his commitment, as children at this age have the ability to store information and movements accurately compared to children after the age of 7
After finishing the prayer, hug your child and pray for him to have beautiful days, a happy life, good health, delicious food, a strong heart and a sound mind that loves knowledge. You can use one of the recorded meditations available on the Internet.
You can also take a nap after noon prayer to form part of the daily routine for you and your child. As for after the evening prayer, you can further repeat the supplication and embrace the child beside the bed or in the bed..
Don’t forget to keep a smile on your face, you are at your best during these moments and achieving your best achievement as a female and a mother. Whatever your job and whatever goal you’re working to accomplish, there’s spacious time to get it done, but your priority is to raise a child who is tender, intelligent, pious, and kind to his parents, not tyrannical and disobedient child. Remember that your ultimate goal is to serve society and the world. Even if you have to delay your project for a year or more, don’t worry. Set your priorities
Years between 3-4
At this age, it is possible for the child to listen to contemplations that lay the foundation for submission and focus on oneself (mind, body, and spirit), and help behave humbly and modestly before creatures, and thus before the Creator. We continue to pray and alert the child to the call to prayer, and begin ablution and prayer. Then we choose contemplations to read for the child while we hug him tenderly.
From 4 to 7 years of age
If you persist with the previous routine, you will be a proud mother when it comes to the results. I ask those who have completed the steps of introducing prayers to children from birth to the age of 4 years to share their experiences so that all mothers can benefit from this.
At this stage we will provide more details about ablution, prayer and the Qur’an.
We will explain to the child the concept of ((and we made from water every living thing)), and show him how plants and living things live on water.
We will also explain to him how ablution removes germs and viruses from our bodies, and so we must wash. Inhalation is very important for cleaning the nose, and a picture can be shown to the child for making him familiar with the location of the sinuses and the areas where dirt collects.
Saving the consumption of earth’s energies: If a child listens to meditation, the seed of love and preservation of the earth will grow in him.
And here we say to him: (Think about preserving water when consuming it, as it may disappear one day). Let him see the water tank and how it runs out of water and how it should be preserved. Use the same method of washing clothes, for example (wear a special robe for cleaning or planting so that your clothes do not get dirty, and you won’t have to waste water on washing them). I still remember that day when my son did not follow these instructions, so I cut off the water from the house for a whole day, and here he felt this blessing and began to think about saving water.
If you are out on a trip, tell your child: How do we clean ourselves? Yes, sand! We will rub our hands with sand because it works like a loofah and cleans our bodies
Learning about the Qur’an:
When you bring pieces of furniture to assemble, involve your child in the assembly process and say: Ok, I need the manual to link the pieces together. Follow the steps of the user manual and then tell him: Imagine if there was no manual, we would have wasted a lot of effort and time, and it could have been damaged. Then I show him the refrigerator manual which explains how to use it, and I repeat the sentence: Imagine if there was no manual we would have wasted a lot of effort and time and it could have been damaged. Repeat such phrase when trying to assemble any appliance or piece of furniture you purchase.
Then tell your child: (We also have a user manual so that we do not get exhausted of thinking and do not waste time or waste our lives. Shall I introduce it to you?) Then say to him: (let’s perform ablution. We must be clean before we catch it because it came down from heaven). After completing the ablution, bring the Qur’an and kneel in front of your child and say to him: This is my manual book and I am sharing it with you.
When you understand how to maintain it, you will have one of your own. Present the Qur’an to him with both hands, then read the first verses revealed to the Prophet Muhammad from Surat Al-Alaq: “Proclaim! (or read!) in the name of thy Lord and Cherisher, Who created-(1) Created man, out of a (mere) clot of congealed blood(2)” Tell your child that God created us like a furniture assembly guide and a refrigerator user manual. Ask him to close his eyes so you can read to him if he desires so. Read to your child slowly and beautifully.
The child needs to memorize some verses to perform the prayer. You can recite them after completing the prayer together, and help him memorize them. The best surahs are Al-Ikhlas, Al-Nas, and Al-Fatihah. You can play the Abrahamic prayer track that you can find in the contemplations file so that the child can hear and memorize it.
Prayer: We follow the same manner when hearing the call to prayer. We alert the child for the call to prayer, and go to perform ablution and then start the prayer aloud so that the child learns what to say in each prayer movement. After completing the prayer, we hug the child and recite verses from Surat Maryam: “To his son came the command): “O Yahya! take hold of the Book with might”: and We gave him Wisdom even as a youth(12)And piety (for all creatures) as from Us, and purity: He was devout(13) And kind to his parents, and he was not overbearing or rebellious(14)So Peace on him the day he was born, the day that he dies, and the day that he will be raised up to life (again)(15)
“He said: “I am indeed a servant of Allah: He hath given me revelation and made me a prophet(30)And He hath made me blessed wheresoever I be, and hath enjoined on me Prayer and Charity as long as I live(31)(He) hath made me kind to my mother, and not overbearing or miserable(32)
Then we ask the child: Why did God give us the book (Quran) and ordered us to read and pray? We read the book to learn the names of many things and to grow our mind. We pray and stretch our muscles, so our body grows. We read the Qur’an and our souls are purified.
There are many passages in the contemplations section that help to understand how the body, mind, and spirit grow.
Explain to the child how the muscles are stretched, and help him to apply the movements and focus on the muscles that should be stretched in each movement. For example, when we raise our hands to say Allahu Akbar, the shoulder and back muscles should work, and when we kneel, the muscles behind the thighs and lower back should function. The video explains all the movements comprehensively.
Note: If the child does not want to join you, continue performing ablution and prayer with passion, and no matter how much he tries to interrupt you, tell him: (I heard the call for prayer, and I will not stop until I pray. I apologize, I cannot join you now). Please don’t mention hell or demons, we give love and then learn how to maintain a relationship. Fear enhances aversion to prayer and makes the child stray from prayer and the love of God. This is a sin and a great mistake we may commit against our children, as it is sufficient to make the child move away from the Creator.
Note: If you are sad or angry, tell your child: “I am sad, and I need to pray or listen to the Qur’an. This helps me calm down a lot.”
I wish success to everybody. Always remember that every change starts with you, and only you. You are the one who will change the world, you have the power to decide and you are raising the future generation.
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Attachment and loss John Bowlby
John Bowlby, the father of attachment theory, specialized in child psychiatry and psychoanalysis. His findings on Attachment contributed to new thinking about human beings’ social and emotional development. The book discusses, examines, and displays all the topics related to attachment theory through experimental studies and other researchers’ work who show interest in understanding this theory (Freud and Ainsworth and Light and Schaffer and Baltimore). The book covers theories of motivation that show how the control system works and how it differs from instinctive behavior. It also discusses the evolutionary of adaptedness theory and links it to attachment classifications (Bowlby, 1977).
Researchers observed patterns of behaviors the infant displays in his mother’s presence and her absence; this helps examine the patterns of behavior to define the relationship to be followed with longitudinal research to measure findings according to researchers. Freud linked psychoanalytic investigations of patients to early years; he concluded:
“Psycho-analysis investigation, reaching back into childhood from a later time, a n d contemporary observation of children combine” (Bowlby 1997, p. 12).
Attachment is a crucial relationship and instinctive response to the need for protection, nutrient, and survival. The child builds fundamental social and emotional internal frameworks through his relationship with his mother during the sensitive period of his first year of life. Later around 8months he manifests fear from strangers, which proves that the child builds attachment to one figure during the sensitive period. The later attachment will be diverse in the context of peers, adult partnerships, and parental relationships (Bowlby, 1997).
Parenting style plays a significant role in stimuli infant responses to maintaining and developing the sense of security from this relation towards the world. Meeting the child’s cries and satisfying his needs will allow him to become aware of his own needs and develop an awareness of his set of goals that later will make him aware of others’ needs and their set of goals (Bowlby, 1997).
Ainsworth played a role in defining attachment behavior patterns through “The Strange Situation” experiment; she highlighted two types of attachment, secure and anxious. Secure children were more curious to learn about the environment, laughed more, showed competence socially and paid attention to details, displayed more cooperation with mothers and others. In addition, they manifested an organized sequence of goal-corrected behaviors. On the other hand, insecure/anxious children are divided into two Avoidance, who showed no interest in the environment, treated strangers in a friendly way better than their mother, were anxiously attached to their mother, but did not involve in physical touching when approaching her, they avoid the mother when returned. The second anxious attachment is the Ambivalent, who was anxiously attached to his mother, half wanting and half resisting her, showed more anger than other infants, a few were more passive, got angry when a mother wanted them to play away from her. These observations helped Ainsworth find a correlation between attachment behavior and socioemotional development. Which led researchers to observe that correlation and to provide evidence that the attachment patterns which a child displays at 12 months predict his social and exploratory behavior months and years later up to 6 years old. It concluded securely attached children were content, laughed more, were cooperative and curious, engaged in longtime play, had an intense interest in toys, paid more attention to details, were more competent socially, and no longer dependent on their mother’s presence (Bowlby, 1997).
The same findings were highlighted in Berkeley longitudinal studies (1973), which sorted children into two categories while investigating a correlation between children’s socioemotional and
capacity to modify levels of control according to circumstances. The first category is Ego-control varies from over to moderate to under-control; it refers to impulsive children, distractibility, reduced or open expression of emotions, narrow or too little restriction on the info processed. The second category, ego-resilience, varies from high to low and high end, refers to children who are resourceful with little flexibility in adapting to changes, flexibility in the use of their behavior, and ability to process competing information. Berkeley’s study concluded that there is a correlation between attachment and children’s socioemotional development and how children deal with and process information and challenging situations (Bowlby, 1997).
Play is an innovative tool for children to adapt, learn, and develop through manipulating their environment. It is essential to build a brick stone by bonding with a figure before they do. According to Piaget, exploratory and play are distinct behavior like feeding and mating; it starts with an orientation of the infant’s head to observe stimuli, then the body’s approach to a stimulus object, and finally, the investigation and manipulation of the object start. Some stimuli elicit interest/pleasure, and some elicit alarm/pain. When the child is across to a new experience, display patterns of behavior (withdrawal, inspection, investigation); Harlow stated that the process would accelerate in the presence of the mother, as the child is aware some experiences are of interest and some are alarming, so having the secure base (mother) around is needed to support his/her exploration. Playing with peers is an extension of this behavior (Bowlby, 1997).
Studies proved that; children with an anxious attachment would smile, explore, move and cooperate less, which directly affect play and, thus, cognitive development. On the other hand, secure children have the confidence to explore. These explorations of trust vs. mistrust, interest vs. alarm, and pleasure vs. pain, while living with a sensitive mother support their exploration help them to sense the balance of security and hope (Bowlby, 1997).
In conclusion, socioemotional development is linked directly to the attachment theory. Attachment elicits the behavioral system that develops during the first year of life through the sensory system exposed to pleasure and pain experiences. If children were exposed to only pain experiences they will withdraw from touch (sensory experiences), which will reduce language and concepts building processes, that directly reflect children’s cognitive development. Freud explains the urgency of attachment theory through the oral stage, where the child needs sucking not only for nutrients but also to feel secure and develop an autonomous self with good and evil, which later will be interpreted as the worth of love (Bowlby, 1997).
Reference:
Bowlby, J. (1997) Attachment and loss. Vol. 1. London: Random house.